Some days when I run, I feel like an eagle that can soar to limitless heights, with amazing potential and the strength and energy to tackle any run. Other days, I am a slug; no energy, no motivation, no strength. The exhaustion of only a few steps screams at me to quit. The run feels like it has absolutely no value or purpose. The run just isn’t worth it.
What do we do when we feel like the slug in life? What do we do when getting out of bed is a chore? Perhaps the drudgery and monotony of the emptiness of our daily routines makes us feel valueless and purposeless. Perhaps pain is the culprit that makes us feel like isn’t worth living anymore. Each day is darker than the last, with no hope of any changes on the horizon. What are we to do?
In February 2015, I died twice in the hospital. My waking in ICU began an 8 month battle of terrible pain and illness. The 8 months after dying were worse than anything I had experienced previously. I remember lying in bed, crying, asking God, “Why did you bring me back only to suffer more? I could be peacefully with You right now. You brought me back for this?” He never answered in those moments. I needed more time to see His full deliverance. He did heal me October 30, 2015. It took another year before my body fully recovered from the ravages of over 20 years of chronic pain. Two years after my healing, I write this blog as a drastically changed person. The transformation physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually has taken time. But that is exactly what I needed—time. I needed time to understand that 2015 was not the end of my story; time to understand that God’s plans and purposes are good and will come to pass.
I need to interject something very important here. I want to speak to those who are suffering and whom God might choose to withhold healing. I do not promise God will heal you. I will not lie to you and say that I never gave up hope; hope of a better tomorrow; hope that one day things might change, because I did give up hope of any healing. There were definitely times I resigned myself to a life of solitude and pain. I knew there might be “good” days, but I eventually came to a place that I thought I would always be shackled to a life of illness and pain, and all that that chain represented. Amidst the pain though, when I chose to cling to Christ in what I have deemed “determined trust”, something very miraculous happened. Christ gave hope. He gave strength. He gave peace. My faith grew and I began experiencing an abundant life in Christ. There was absolutely no reason I should have any hope, strength or peace. It defied all logic. Experiencing that abundant life in Christ is worth more than any physical healing. One can be healed and healthy, but miserable and unhappy. On the other hand, one can be bedridden, but still peaceful, content, strong and HOPEFUL. I have been both.
Experiencing that abundant life in Christ is worth more than any physical healing.
Although we all want to be delivered from pain, I want to encourage you to keep running the race. Keep clinging to Christ, determined to trust Him regardless of your circumstances. Under NO circumstances, can you quit! No matter what, you HAVE to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Remember what you have already overcome. When I remember previous trials and hardships that I have endured by God’s grace and strength, I am encouraged. On bad days, to realize I have overcome much worse, gives me a glimmer of strength to keep going another day.
We have a limited, finite perspective. We cannot understand our circumstances in the light of God’s Sovereignty and in the perspective of eternity. No matter what circumstances you are facing today, do not give up. Make a determined choice of your will to trust Christ. He will carry you through the trial! BeStrong!